I think another big difference is that cosleeping really has been practiced forever, all over the world, very safely - whereas free birth the way it's practiced now is quite unusual. Women have always traditionally had other experienced women around to help, and even hundreds of years ago midwives would call in surgeons if necessary. Refusing all help in childbirth is radical to say the least.
The Pirahã people of Brazil give birth with no help, alone, on the banks of the river.
One missionary recalled a woman giving birth to a breech baby screaming and begging for someone to help her and everyone just completely ignored her until she died. (In the book “Don't Sleep, There are Snakes” by by Daniel Everett)
I co-slept, baby-wore and attachment parented. I sought to have natural births but didn’t manage either time — in the first birth largely because of a hostile nurse and in the second for legit medical circumstances (a 10-pound footling breech who laughed at multiple external versions).
You could say I have a strong skepticism about obstetrics.
But I never considered birthing alone. No woman should, and historically, few women did. Someone experienced at attending births was normally around, either a midwife or someone of that sort. We’ve never expected women to go it alone.
Absolutely hard agree with everything you say here. My birth was nothing like I expected and I saw how quickly things can deviate. It was ultimately all fine but I wouldn’t have wanted to be somewhere where there was no help available.
I have some of the same cognitive dissonance. But cosleeping and free birth are definitely not the same in terms of danger/death rates. Let's suppose baby has a 1 in 20 chance of death with free birth (I'm kind of guessing here but it feels about right after reading this story) and a 3 in 10,000 chance of death with cosleeping. The alternatives: accepting needed medical intervention and not cosleeping, would have death rates of closer to 3 per 1,000 (birth) and 1 in 10,000 (not cosleeping). And cosleeping comes with some benefits that not cosleeping does not (longer breastfeeding and potentially more sleep) both of which prevent other health problems. Medical intervention during birth can also have its unintended consequences (which pale in comparison to losing your baby) but can also just be applied appropriately when needed. There is something in between "no intervention is ever needed" and "we must always intervene."
I feel this deeply as someone who tries to make choices that are both evidence-based *and* intuitive. It’s exhausting to navigate a system that fails mothers while trying not to fall into the arms of people who weaponize that failure for profit. And you’re right: the women pulled into these movements weren’t naive, they were failed, dismissed, and then sold solutions that masqueraded as liberation.
I hope we get to a place where supporting mothers doesn’t mean choosing between condescension and catastrophe.
A lot of these threads connect to my frustration with Tiffany Balenger’s (sp?) Cosleepy account/brand. While I don’t think she’s doing anything dangerous, I resent that she’s paywalling safe cosleeping information and following the same playbook as sleep training/RFB/etc. grifters who gain traction on social media and then create their own closed door communities (just to make more money). I used some of her resources when we first got started cosleeping but I lost all respect for her when she did that. There shouldn’t be a entry fee to intuitive motherhood. Packaging cosleeping for a fee makes it easy to lump in with other parenting fads.
I haven't read all the way through yet, but I was given a grant to do The Radical Birthkeeper School and realized a few days in that I paid over $1k to watch videos. Ugh.
Thank you for writing this. It caused me to reflecting hard on my own experience preparing for birth, and where things could have been really different if I had allowed the voices around me dictate how things were going to go. I found a middle road, which combined choices founded in different and often conflicting ideologies, was harder to take than just committing to one ideology and following that advice. I had to review every decision, to see how it landed on my heart. While occasionally exhausting, I do feel like it led to one of the most ideal birth experiences for me. But i think this is the part of the reason why ideologies become sexy - the alternative takes a lot of work and can be pretty lonely too… Thank you for writing this and making space for my reflections ❤️
Thanks Jennie - I've been thinking a lot about that Guardian piece. I think something that I wonder about (as a medical professional, woman, woman of colour, mother - sorry for listing it like this but it is relevant to the theme) is whether we are playing catch up - a total lack of investment and funding into women's health and world in which advances elsewhere are palpable. Women want options and when the medical system is unable to provide them, other options become more compelling. This is one area I think about a lot.
When I was reading the Guardian article, I couldn't stop thinking that it is not normal to give birth unattended, even in the very natural societies!
There are some anecdotes I've heard in my family; my great-great-grandma's good friend was a midwife, I would estimate she was active 1920-1950, in Czechoslovakia in a rural area with ca 5000 people, and she took pride in the fact that she has never ever lost a woman in childbirth (don't know about babies though), and that she had good strategies to mitigate tearing so women had no issues afterwards.
Another great-great-grandma was a midwife herself, attended the births of her own 30+ grandchildren and many more in a remote mountainous region of Czechoslovakia and again, prided herself in not losing any woman in childbirth. She was also the village's "doctor", but after one toddler died of tetanus, she started promoting "hospital" transfer - 20 km on a horse-drawn carriage over mountain pass to the nearest hospital. For example, they took my grandma there for endometriosis pain. Unfortunately I didn't collect the stories back when the grandmas were able to recall them coherently...
Oh boy so much to unpack here Jennie. Like you say - a lot of these things emerge from genuine and justified grievances but then they simply go too far, especially when money is to be made. I get quite annoyed when I see friends go all in on natural therapies (and refuse actual medical help) because they are “better” - I try to gently remind them that the wellness industry is also an industrial complex and a MUCH less regulated one than the scientific/medical one. I wish more people could occupy the sensible centre - go natural where possible but also go medical where necessary. How lucky we have access to the best of both worlds!
As always you have picked apart and looked so much deeper into something that most people will end up absorbing without even realising or questioning. And yet again highlighted how women are groomed into buying lies which in this case can have devastating consequences.
I think another big difference is that cosleeping really has been practiced forever, all over the world, very safely - whereas free birth the way it's practiced now is quite unusual. Women have always traditionally had other experienced women around to help, and even hundreds of years ago midwives would call in surgeons if necessary. Refusing all help in childbirth is radical to say the least.
Agree!
The Pirahã people of Brazil give birth with no help, alone, on the banks of the river.
One missionary recalled a woman giving birth to a breech baby screaming and begging for someone to help her and everyone just completely ignored her until she died. (In the book “Don't Sleep, There are Snakes” by by Daniel Everett)
Wtf???
It's a really good book! My 13 yo actually just recently read it... that story always stuck with me though because of how awful it was, though.
For almost all of time, people have helped other people in childbirth. Can't believe they left her hanging like that!
I co-slept, baby-wore and attachment parented. I sought to have natural births but didn’t manage either time — in the first birth largely because of a hostile nurse and in the second for legit medical circumstances (a 10-pound footling breech who laughed at multiple external versions).
You could say I have a strong skepticism about obstetrics.
But I never considered birthing alone. No woman should, and historically, few women did. Someone experienced at attending births was normally around, either a midwife or someone of that sort. We’ve never expected women to go it alone.
Absolutely hard agree with everything you say here. My birth was nothing like I expected and I saw how quickly things can deviate. It was ultimately all fine but I wouldn’t have wanted to be somewhere where there was no help available.
I have some of the same cognitive dissonance. But cosleeping and free birth are definitely not the same in terms of danger/death rates. Let's suppose baby has a 1 in 20 chance of death with free birth (I'm kind of guessing here but it feels about right after reading this story) and a 3 in 10,000 chance of death with cosleeping. The alternatives: accepting needed medical intervention and not cosleeping, would have death rates of closer to 3 per 1,000 (birth) and 1 in 10,000 (not cosleeping). And cosleeping comes with some benefits that not cosleeping does not (longer breastfeeding and potentially more sleep) both of which prevent other health problems. Medical intervention during birth can also have its unintended consequences (which pale in comparison to losing your baby) but can also just be applied appropriately when needed. There is something in between "no intervention is ever needed" and "we must always intervene."
I absolutely wholeheartedly agree. And really value your voice on this topic as well. Thank you so much for reading ❤️
This is excellent and though provoking - thank you!
Thank you for reading ❤️
I feel this deeply as someone who tries to make choices that are both evidence-based *and* intuitive. It’s exhausting to navigate a system that fails mothers while trying not to fall into the arms of people who weaponize that failure for profit. And you’re right: the women pulled into these movements weren’t naive, they were failed, dismissed, and then sold solutions that masqueraded as liberation.
I hope we get to a place where supporting mothers doesn’t mean choosing between condescension and catastrophe.
A lot of these threads connect to my frustration with Tiffany Balenger’s (sp?) Cosleepy account/brand. While I don’t think she’s doing anything dangerous, I resent that she’s paywalling safe cosleeping information and following the same playbook as sleep training/RFB/etc. grifters who gain traction on social media and then create their own closed door communities (just to make more money). I used some of her resources when we first got started cosleeping but I lost all respect for her when she did that. There shouldn’t be a entry fee to intuitive motherhood. Packaging cosleeping for a fee makes it easy to lump in with other parenting fads.
I haven't read all the way through yet, but I was given a grant to do The Radical Birthkeeper School and realized a few days in that I paid over $1k to watch videos. Ugh.
Thank you for writing this. It caused me to reflecting hard on my own experience preparing for birth, and where things could have been really different if I had allowed the voices around me dictate how things were going to go. I found a middle road, which combined choices founded in different and often conflicting ideologies, was harder to take than just committing to one ideology and following that advice. I had to review every decision, to see how it landed on my heart. While occasionally exhausting, I do feel like it led to one of the most ideal birth experiences for me. But i think this is the part of the reason why ideologies become sexy - the alternative takes a lot of work and can be pretty lonely too… Thank you for writing this and making space for my reflections ❤️
Thanks Jennie - I've been thinking a lot about that Guardian piece. I think something that I wonder about (as a medical professional, woman, woman of colour, mother - sorry for listing it like this but it is relevant to the theme) is whether we are playing catch up - a total lack of investment and funding into women's health and world in which advances elsewhere are palpable. Women want options and when the medical system is unable to provide them, other options become more compelling. This is one area I think about a lot.
When I was reading the Guardian article, I couldn't stop thinking that it is not normal to give birth unattended, even in the very natural societies!
There are some anecdotes I've heard in my family; my great-great-grandma's good friend was a midwife, I would estimate she was active 1920-1950, in Czechoslovakia in a rural area with ca 5000 people, and she took pride in the fact that she has never ever lost a woman in childbirth (don't know about babies though), and that she had good strategies to mitigate tearing so women had no issues afterwards.
Another great-great-grandma was a midwife herself, attended the births of her own 30+ grandchildren and many more in a remote mountainous region of Czechoslovakia and again, prided herself in not losing any woman in childbirth. She was also the village's "doctor", but after one toddler died of tetanus, she started promoting "hospital" transfer - 20 km on a horse-drawn carriage over mountain pass to the nearest hospital. For example, they took my grandma there for endometriosis pain. Unfortunately I didn't collect the stories back when the grandmas were able to recall them coherently...
Oh boy so much to unpack here Jennie. Like you say - a lot of these things emerge from genuine and justified grievances but then they simply go too far, especially when money is to be made. I get quite annoyed when I see friends go all in on natural therapies (and refuse actual medical help) because they are “better” - I try to gently remind them that the wellness industry is also an industrial complex and a MUCH less regulated one than the scientific/medical one. I wish more people could occupy the sensible centre - go natural where possible but also go medical where necessary. How lucky we have access to the best of both worlds!
As always you have picked apart and looked so much deeper into something that most people will end up absorbing without even realising or questioning. And yet again highlighted how women are groomed into buying lies which in this case can have devastating consequences.